How to keep the Snowball Effect from Destroying Your Relationship

Over this past winter like many areas of the United States, we’ve had more snow than we’ve had in over 20 years.

Susie teaches a class at our local university and because classes resumed on Tuesday, she needed a car. Because Otto had driven in and out of the lane several times, she felt like it was something that wouldn't be too much of a problem.

But it turned out that it was a problem--She got the car stuck in the roadway a short distance from their house. Otto came to help her get the car unstuck. After a few minutes of spinning tires and the engine nearly overheating, we figured out that if Susie were to get to class on time, she would have to walk, leaving Otto to deal with the stuck car.

Well--that's when the negative chatter in his mind began to go to work on him.

He started thinking to himself things like--"How COULD she get the car stuck like this!" and "I didn't have any trouble!" and "How hard could this be!"

Fortunately, it didn't take Otto very long to realize that the negative feelings he was assigning to Susie were really about another situation he was experiencing in his life. He began to realize that he wasn't angry with Susie but angry with himself because he felt stuck in certain areas of his life.

As soon as he realized this, he began to change the critical thoughts about Susie and began thinking of her once again as his beloved and his best friend.

If Otto hadn't realized where his negative feelings toward Susie were coming from, this seemingly ordinary event could have turned into something that built walls between us and could have been very damaging to our relationship.

The good news is Otto didn't allow that to happen.

We think that Otto's negative mental chatter was not that much different from what a lot of people do in their relationships.

What was different was how he took the time to go inside himself to examine where his feelings of anger and judgment were really coming from and to see Susie as his friend. As soon as he saw Susie as his beloved, best friend, and someone who was doing their best in the moment, the situation shifted for him.

What we'd like to suggest is if you find yourself blaming, judging and being critical of another person, stop and see that person as your friend. Shift your thinking to "they were just doing the best they could do at the time."

If you find you are being critical of yourself, stop and take a moment to love and appreciate yourself. When you do this, watch how the situation softens and how you are able to bring yourself back into a more loving space.