I was asked the question "Does the media have an impact on our relationships?" and the impressions I gathered from the conversation that followed threw me into a mental spiral. I never thought of it that way. I was always under the impression that my thoughts were my own, and all derivatives were those of my life's equations and reciprocals. I never thought that the media did indeed influence my preferences and persuade me concerning what I view as acceptable.
With this new revelation, I began to see many things that others either refused or could not adjust themselves to review. I felt like Neo from the "Matrix," awakened only to find his very thoughts were influenced by a discretionary force. My eyes were open.
One of the first observations I witnessed was the way we categorize the genders. Our restriction of roles not only cages our genders, but they isolate growth and understanding of the self. The media-influenced society labels and tags emotions and tasks to a specific gender, so it raises one in a situation while de-evolving another. For example, it is a common belief that woman can rear a child far better than a man because most observe women to be more emotional, compassionate and understanding, while men are generally rough-edged brutes that are all thumbs and think with other appendages. However, society also views women as being fragile, emotionally imbalanced, irrational soft shells. So, which do we believe? To me, the answer is “neither.” In my encounters, I’ve met men that make better mothers and mothers that make better men; gender had nothing to do with it. The issue is not the organ but the origin. To me, it is not the poll that proves the character but the goals undertaken. Only too often, we equate things to gender rather than character. Both sexes share and express these sentiments and emotions, but just as all women do not react the same way, that same principle should be applied to the community. Through the accepted media-based roles, we act upon implementing these roles with restraint and withdrawal.
We lose out in life when we fail to live. For instance, think about the term “role playing” and its definition. We assume our “roles,” which means that we “act” a certain way with certain mannerisms. Much like an actor assuming a role, we pretend to be something we are not. We do our “part” to make it work. Take the time to understand what our words really mean. Every generation picks a gender to redevelop, to reinvent. Let’s use another example, like “Be a man;” what defines a man? And does that mean that we truly want our men to be the stereotype of what a “man” is? Would we prefer a man that equates manhood with muscles and/or income instead of wit and humanity? Do we truly want men that tally and brag on the amount of women bedded, but hide the amount of children that bedding produced? Or how about a ”Strong Black Woman” and the way many sisters misconceive what a strong black woman is and use this title to be boisterous, demanding and unrealistic? Strength is in the ability to react without drama. A woman is always a lady first. Being strong is outrunning the odds against you without seeking acclaim; it doesn’t mean “happily single.” Being alone never made me happy.
So, are we benefiting by these social images or are we digressing? We categorize and compartmentalize, placing each behavior in gender boxes. But which box do we place our double standards in? Are women bitches and are men hoes? Or are women hoes and men bitches?
When I woke from my deep thoughts, I realized the many fallacies that we perpetuate when our civility is manacled and our preferences upstaged by being politically correct (another joke). Much like our supposed unwillingness to settle and our arrogance and naivety to believe that we don’t. Yes, it was quite jarring to see things once the rose- colored glasses were removed. But it’s a very lonely vision when you realize that most are still wearing them.
