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I was sooooo in love.
From the moment we met, I felt something innate and wonderfully different. Could the newness of this relationship be the reason for my feelings? Perhaps. She was the exact opposite of my wife. I never fancied "RED" women, as opposed to my dark chocolate sisters. But she did things to me that my wife never dreamt of doing and I never dared to ask for. And the sex, it was something I hadn't felt in a long time; it was something I eagerly awaited. The level of attraction was undeniable. We made good love together.
Did I mention my chocolate lady was also married?
Yeah, to a man who didn't care one way or the other how a woman felt, but this time I did. I loved her. I wanted her. All of her. All that she was willing to offer me I greedily digested, always left with the desire for more. She felt the same way about me, but the timing was so wrong. Her child would be so hurt to be away from his dad and so would my daughter, but what was I to do? So we cheated. For nearly a year, we got away with it. We loved in dark corners, in hotel rooms to hotel rooms, wherever we could avoid the prying of suspicious eyes we loved. We enjoyed all the times, all the while planning on one day leaving our unhappy homes to pursue a relationship together. I knew I had control of the relationship by the way she acted. We worked in the same office, but different departments, and visiting was prohibited in this hellhole! She didn't care; she instead risked everything to see me. I soaked it all up and loved her all the more for it. I then got another position in an office closer to her, so I could see her on a daily basis. We grew closer and closer. We exchanged expensive gifts, and the time we spent together increased. But, of course, nothing too good lasts forever and fate has a funny way of searing rewards on the conscious. It was then that the drama played out its comedy. My wife got pregnant. I was happy on one hand, but how would I tell my lover? I waited and waited. I told her. She didn't express any emotion, but I know she was hurt. I knew things would change, but how was still a mystery.
We loved more and more strongly, but differently. However, we both knew that the piper had sounded his instrument of revenge. I backed away, she backed away, but we didn't want to say goodbye. The calls decreased, the office visits decreased and eventually the loving decreased. I was hurt. I then realized I had fallen in love with this woman. I didn't want to lose her, but I did hurt her. It was my fault. I let this happen. I went to her about her lack of effort and asked her to change. She refused. I was surprised. I asked her if she was ready to live without my love. She said yes. Her voice was cold and distant and my selfishness could not understand the reason. I knew that she meant every word of what she said. My voice grew shaky I concurred with her decision to be friends. She stated that we couldn't be together in the end because I would have 2 kids and she didn't want a man with 2 babies and she eventually wanted more kids. I understood. I was no longer.... the man.
I told her I understood, but my heart cried a far different song. I was on my cell phone, getting the oil changed in my car for a vacation with my wife to the Essence Fest and the final blow was dealt and the finality settled in for the night. I was hurt, but to conceal this hurt was hurting me more. I couldn't go to my boys because they didn't know how deep it was with her. I was lost. I eventually got over my chocolate girl, but I will never forget her. Memories haunt us like ghosts; they don't go away and it sometimes makes us do things we don't want to do. I let this happen by letting myself fall in love with another woman, another married woman. I'll admit that was the best year of my life, but I will never fall for another woman besides the one I share my bed with. But I still play out in the back of my mind that “What comes around goes around.”