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The Things We Go Through

After two weeks of phone chatting, I eagerly awaited our first meeting.  It’s the kind of meeting that sends skepticism coursing through your veins. Almost like you are scared to even leave the house in expectation that something might ruin, what you hope to sustain. 

You go through the prep stage, searching for perfection and often overdoing it only to change again at least three or four times......  But, you know that she makes it all worth the trouble.

My first and last mistake, was the barbershop ....

Why is it that barbers never get your hair right when you want to make an impression, and style it like there was no tomorrow on laundry day??  Upon sitting in the seat I insisted that my moustache and beard not be touched.  I emphasized the fact that I do my own trimming and it was not necessary.  Please don't touch the moustache....  So what happens zip, zip  all gone. No more moustaches.  My first impulse was to curse like a marine, but that would not be prudent since he still had to cut my hair.  Ohhhh why can't men wear weaves???  Now I am moustacheless, and to most women this is no big deal, but to a lot of men this is a symbolism of manhood.  Finally growing one marks the shedding the eyebrow pencil and infinite mascara.  It’s a statement of arrival, Billy DeeHood.  Now all gone, no more than shaving on a floor.  I felt like Samson, after being shaved by Dahlia.  It was like Austin Powers, losing his "Mojo".  The whole thing has me fuming at the gills, and the "Clipper Assassin" has the nerve to stand back and admire his work.  Why do stylists and barbers always think that they know what's is the best look for you??  Like they are wearing it.  I bet that after you leave, they all stand around, slapping palms and laughing into convulsions.  If  people can have bad days, and  performance fails , you know barbers do.  Only at our expense.  Needless to say, He got no tip that day. 

Now, comes the great male" I can Fix it myself" phase.  So you evoke all your past bad barber days, all your homeboy knowledge and  comprise some insane way to fix what can not be fixed.  Another fatal mistake.  First thought, "ole faithful" eye lash mascara.  

It’s been so long....    I even forgot which brand to buy, let alone the embarrassment of asking, without asking what you need it for.  Finally, home I apply the product of my redemption.  With magic wand in hand, I sort my craft.  Why do I punish myself like this???

Thinking I had outwitted fate, looking in the mirror, I see Groucho Marx in black face.  I wanted to cry. But if  I did, the mascara would run ( I didn't buy water-proof)  I t was like I had some horrible paint by numbers set on my upper lips and the only color was black.  And worst off, this only exaggerated my ALREADY full lips. 

It was too late to cancel the date.  And I knew that if  I had cancelled, I most likely should forget all other possibilities of  another one.

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