Lady Cocaine
She was rough around the edges, small and compact.
Needless to say, I came for the lust.
Lust to infuse, diffuse and confuse my anger. Lust to saturate my embellishments of contempt. Lust simply to lust.
I savored her flavor. I reveled in the mystery of her smoke.
This lady was no joke.
She enticed me by saying, “Use me as you need me. I'll make you more ecstatic than any other woman could dream of making you feel." She used her devices of deceptive seductions well. She gave me her best pitch, her promise to me: king of a kingdom. How quickly I became her bitch.
My family forewarned me, but this was all in vain. I had fallen in love with her hook, line and sinker. I had made my choice. And I chose her: cocaine.
She whispered her deceptions in my eager ears. "To hell with your family. To hell with the things that you thought made you laugh and gave you joy. Where are they all now, they have all abandoned you."
A lost soul will choose any path to find a home.
"I am everything you will ever need. We need to support each other. Now, go fetch that stem, and let's begin a new life. "
The sun that once shone every day and warmed my path could no longer be seen or felt through the drawn drapes. My path was laid for the abyss of darkness. I stood there at the threshold of life like a fool, crack in stem, stem in mouth, lighter in hand, pride long lost.
Family and children came to confront me. I shut their words out, but their eyes spoke my history. Their last plea was my last cry - "We hope God is in your future. As for us, we are your past."
It was much too late before I realized my loss.
Barely seeing through my tears and cursing my fate, I implored myself to be the man I once was and gathered up my willpower, raising my stem for one last toke. Falsely rationalizing that this was what I needed to compete, all the while knowing that this was my actual defeat. With her at my side, I piped myself from reality and tearfully joined my mate in a smoky kiss.
"You are sooo pitiful and predictable," she mocked and laughed. "I will always have my way, and I will always be a part of you. From now until you bed the earth. Your eyes search the skies for redemption," she purred. "Looking for a higher power to take you in tow. But why you are looking up, when the master you serve lies below?”
Her words cut deep, for I knew them to be true. I was powerless to do anything but fall.
I fell to my knees and begged God for forgiveness. To have mercy on me. Show me salvation from this wench or show me death.
When I awoke I was in a treatment center, the detox unit. God may not give you everything you want - just everything you need.
Now it is God that talks to me.
My savior.
"Embrace, not berate, your brethren."
"Seek reality, not medication."
"Keep the pain upfront, for although you may hide it, it hurts just the same."
"Do what is right."
It’s been a year since that fatal battle for my soul. And he still talks to me. Next week I visit my kids. My new job has finally promoted me.
And when that wretched whore tugs at my shirt tails, God smiles and tells me, "Keep making your meetings and stay out of trouble. I done saved your ass too many times. Now cut me some slack. "